E.R. Baine Addressing Reviews: My Theory of Authorship

Hello, even though this reviewer seemed to be out of my target audience, thought I'd address the review anyway. I don't think it would be fair addressing only pleasant reviews that are complementary and I like to read ;)
This is the Review. I sent the book to some readers on goodreads who said they would like to read the book and signed up for it via a link: 

DNF at 60%
I have received the books from the author in exchange for an honest review.
Please also note that all of the quotations are exactly as they have appeared in the book.
Love So Menacing is a third book in the Surreal Blue Rogue Agent series by E.R. Bain and a second book that I have attempted to read. Please note the word “attempted” because while I somehow managed to finish book I, this one was a definite DNF. In all honesty, since I have found the first book a mess and already wrote the review, writing another one was not on my agenda, however, there are several things about this book that were eating at me, compelling me to get it off my chest so here we do.
To start with, the author needs to learn the difference between surreal (strange, odd, unreal, dreamlike fantastic) and ludicrous (absurd, ridiculous, prepostreous, farcical, foolish, stupid) because that is exactly what this book is. Just a small example – our “hero” Victor is able to morph in to a “ginormous” were-bear with the paws the size of Toyota Lancer (Well, since we are in a rough terrain, would Cruiser –size paws be more appropriate? No? OK, this is your fantasy ). As a were-bear, he carries his human son in his mouth and:” In a haze of loathing he swallawed the small boy”! Well, at least a bit later he manages to regurgitate him , so ” Nikolai slid out on a puddle of oozing saliva”
But even this double “Yuck” factor was not what what stopped me. It all came down to sex. I am an adult, not a prude (or at least I think I am not) and of the opinion that a well-written erotica can add a bit of spice to life. In saying that, I am also a woman and a parent, so in a field of erotic romance, for me there is one unbrakable, non-negotiable rule: any erotic interaction is to be between CONCENTING ADULTS . For me , Love So Menacing broke this cardinal rule. The first brake came when Audriana reminices about the time she tried to audition as a pole-dancer/stripper in a club in front of the owner. The scene itself is quite erotic and descriptive. What made me want to scrub my eye-balls, is that it was stated that at that time Audriana was 15 years old, and the owner 17 years old!!!! Just few chapters further we encounter a character named Lincoln in the following situation as he comes home : “ When he was able to make out the sounds of sex and familiar voices on the other side of the door, he blanched. He gritted his teeth. Raised his fist, prepared to pong up a storm at the door...... He forced himself to bring it down to his side”. And then we find out that behind that closed door that Lincoln was reluctunt to break down, HIS 15 AND 16 YEAR OLD SONS WERE HAVING ORAL AND ANAL SEX WITH THE 19 YEAR OLD NANNY! Well, at least he fired the nanny, even if his partner got in to snit becouse it was done without consulting him (the partner). And this is when I have slammed this book down never to open it again.
The availability of a self- publishing elctronic option created for me, as a reader, great opportunity as well as great pitfall. I have been fortunate enough to discover some amazing new authors whose work brought me countless hours of pleasure and whose books will always find place on my shelves- be they physical or electronic. Unfortunately, the same option removed some restrictions and filters, whicih allowed through books that should not be able to see the light of the day and for me Love So Menacing was such book.
E.R Bain, EVEN THOUGH CALLED YOUN ADULTS, 15 and 16 YEARS OLD ARE STILL CHILDREN, SO DONT YOU EVER AGAIN DARE TO SEXUALISE CHILDREN IN YOUR BOOKS AND CALL IT Salaciously Seductive ROMANCE. Don’t you ever again dare to make reader feel dirty reading one of your books as you did with me. And don’t you ever again offer me one of your books: in a writer – reader relationship, this reader wants a divorce due to the irreconcilable differences.

Response:

To tell you the truth, when I first read this review I doubled over in laughter. It was so funny, I decided to post it here so that it doesn’t go missing throughout the years when my books become popular, people are rushing to buy it on release day and it has so many reviews that I can’t find it.

This is even funnier than when spam mail was junk mail you actually got in the post box. Once I received a letter stating that I was one of the smartest people in the world and they wanted me to join a secret organization in New York City. I doubled over laughing on my bed and fell to the ground. It was the funniest piece of writing I had ever read. Do people actually, really fall for those things? I had torn it up and dumped it in the trash. But I always regretted not keeping it, or making a copy of it before I threw away the original letter. That taught me my lesson. So now I have posted this review for all time.

I guess when you are a reader, you are on the other spectrum of literature. You are not familiar with writing styles of techniques.

For those who have not read the book, this is the scene with Lincoln and Rees. If this reviewer had read all three titles, (and to be honest it doesn’t seem that this person actually read even 10% of my novel, but I won’t fault this person because it seems this reviewer is not a fan of my genre) they would know that Lincoln is a prominent main character. He, is also a homosexual.

This, I might add, is one of the most brilliant and well written scenes in my book Love So Menacing. And I’m glad to share it with you today.

To be fair I left it as is as the reader would have gotten it. I plan to read it through regularly to make corrections over the next few years.

CHAPTER 10

Lincoln entered his fifteen acreage home late evening in the secluded, gated community of the Georgia suburb that he lived in with Rees and three kids. The interior was a mix of Bohemian and modern decorating style.

He walked down the hallway from the entrance and dipped his head into an alcove that was outfitted with a desktop, bamboo desk and chair, a hammock and a chaise lounge. Little Neecy, his six year old had on her beats headphones and was watching a That’s So Raven episode on an app. He hugged her from behind but she broke away from him and pushed him out of her personal space. Out of the alcove to the foyer.

He gave a playful scowl. Such a roundabout reaction from when he had arrived back from his months abroad. Gone were the squeals of joy and happy, happy. Now he was just old, fogey dad getting all up in her ‘all-about-me’ time.

Holding his briefcase, still wearing his overcoat and scarf, he made his way down the long corridor to the living room to the suite of bedrooms to the right wing of the household.

Drawing up close to the bedrooms he heard stirring sounds. Light murmurings and whisperings. He frowned, and as he came closer to the third door to his left. His frown deepened to a thin line. When he was able to make out the sounds of sex and the familiar voices on the other side of the door, he blanched. He gritted his teeth. Raised his fist, prepared to pong up a storm on the door. Hell, break down the door if need be.

But before he made the first barrage his mind went to his daughter. He took in a deep breath. But it did nothing to calm his erratic heart. His raised, clenched fist tightened. He forced himself to bring it down to his side. He walked past a few more doors to his study. Opened the door.

“Yo! I’m off duty until dinner. No interruptions.” He yelled before slamming the door shut. He took a few calming huffs of air into his lungs. From the noise coming from beyond his door he got the impression that the outcome he had hoped for with his outburst was happening now. The occupants of the room where affair was taking place down the hall had wrapped up and the person was now dutifully making their escape out of the house.

Lincoln hadn’t intended for them to get that far though. He removed his long coat and scarf and draped them over the back of the sofa. Next off was his jacket. He remained dressed in his waistcoat and tie. He pulled his waistcoat down from the base to straighten it a little. Used two of his fingers to smooth out an imaginary crease at his cuff before he opened his door and marched out into the living room. His irate disposition concealed behind an outwardly calm exterior.

It was there he came across his two sons. Deacon, fifteen, and Donte, sixteen. Deacon was dark skinned, with lean good looks and an athletic build. Donte was of fair complexion with sharp good looks and a crew cut. Both of them had his eyes and full lips. And they were nearing his build in height every day.

Lincoln’s eyes wondered from the two sitting on the couch. Deacon seemingly engrossed in his iphone, Donte seemingly engrossed in the football match on the ESPN channel.

Neither gave him a greeting. He walked over to the couch and pulled both of their backwards caps off by the flaps.

“Hey.” Came Deacon’s reply.

“Not in the house.” Lincoln folded both and slipped them under his arm. “I’m confiscating these in the name of common decency.”

“Urgh,” Donte made a face, “Daaad, you are so lame.”

“True ’dat. The lamest dad alive. Don’t forget to put that on my tomb stone.”

“Argh,” Donte allowed his head to smash down on the back of the sofa rest in frustration.

Lincoln continued to walk briskly down the hall to spot Betty, Neecy’s babysitter lounging in the chaise lounge with a phablet on her chest watching Neecy keenly as she typed up a storm.

Lincoln’s lips smacked apart. “Hey Betty, can I have a word with you a sec.”

She looked startled, anxious. Her gaze was watchful. “Yea, sure Mr. L.” She set aside her phablet.

“Let’s go out to the entryway so we could have our little convo in private. Shall we?” Lincoln nodded his head in the direction of the entrance. “After you.” He outstretched his arm with a bow and waved his arm out wide.

Betty beamed at him. “Merci.” She walked on ahead of him.

Lincoln scooped down and gathered her phablet, her bag and jacket that had been tossed haphazardly in the foyer of the enclave. Neecy did not pay either of them any attention, off to watching an intense episode of Stoked on the compu.

Lincoln walked unhurried behind her. He rushed, though to enter the security code to unlock the front door. Smiling he waved his arm to invite her to go outside onto the veranda before him. She smiled unwittingly at his gentlemanly gesture. If she suspected anything untoward she did not let on.

He brought his hand that held her things hidden behind his back out in front of him so she could see them. He smiled at her as she took her things, believing he was just seeing her out after having stayed to look after his daughter and the household in between the time it took for Lincoln to leave work and come home. Rees worked late nights as a Desert Chef in a popular restaurant in the heart of the city.

He held the jacket open for her and she pushed her arms through the sleeves. She took her handbag and phablet from him.

“You wanted to talk Mr. L.”

“Yeah,” Lincoln smiled affably at her, “I just wanted you to know that you don’t have to come here anymore. You’re fired.”

        And with that Lincoln shut the door soundly on the surprised look on the young girl’s face.

Lincoln, seething, took a deep breath and marched over to the living room. He reached over and snatched the remote from Deacon’s hand and the cell phone from Donte. The celly, he pelted across the room and as Deacon yelled in horror Donte shouted “Dad!” as Lincoln turned off the TV.

But at the look of total calm on Lincoln’s face instantly caused the two young men to clam up.

Their eyes darted at each other and then on Lincoln. He knows, their expressions suggested

Then, Deacon raised his arms and nodded both his hands in Donte’s direction, both his index fingers extended at his brother, “This is all on him”

“No way you not pinnin’ this shit on me. We all came together, deal with it.”

They continued to argue until Lincoln raised his voice to fever pitch. “Hey!” Lincoln raised his hands up in front of him, each held up an index finger. He drew those two fingers together and brought the joined fingers to his lips. He sighed. Closed his eyes. Took a deep breath. Still, he could not get himself calm.

He opened his eyes. Stared down at his sons. Gritted his teeth, hands on hips. He started to lambaste them. The two boys eyes looked shifty. Their stance was taken so they could run away at any second.

“Are you guys completely and totally insane. Fucking your sister’s nanny - while Neecy was in the other room.” Lincoln raised his balled fists, shaking with fury from head to toe. He spoke through clenched teeth. “Father in heaven, save me. I think after five tours of duty, this is the one that is going to be my undoing.”

“Whoa Dad, chill.” Donte held up his hands. “Relax. First of all, she is the one who is nineteen, we’re the minors in all of this.”

“Yeah Dad we did our homework. We’re the innocent victims. She’s the one who sucked us off.”

Lincoln opened his mouth, speechless.

Donte reached over and patted his Dad on the back. “Yea and listen. We know you’re worried that we could have gotten her pregnant but no need to worry. We know better that to bring a baby into this house.”

“Yea man,” Deacon held up two fingers, “Twice in the mouth.”

Donte smiled, “Once in the behind.”

The two teens bumped fists in front of him.

Lincoln’s mouth was still gaping open. He closed his mouth. Opened it again. He placed his hand on his chest. Took in a deep breath and blew it out in frustration. “You two have one second to get yourselves out of my sight before I reach for my semi-automatic.”

The two took a second to look at each other before they each scrambled to get themselves out of the livingroom and out of their father’s presence.

Lincoln closed his eyes and sat down on the sofa. The colour scheme was a mix of white and brown. Like the alcove. The sofa was a soft white. A white centre carpet with a low table in the centre. The table was a wicker with dark varnish. Lincoln put back on the T.V. and settled in to take in some highlights on Bloomberg.

Continuation of the scene happens in Chapter 14…

CHAPTER 14

Lincoln hadn’t slept a wink all night. He pushed the covers off, still fully dressed. He moved from his bedroom into the kitchen and made himself a cup of warm milk. From the kitchen he moved to the livingroom. On hearing the low stereo chatter from the hall he went to check out the alcove and was surprised to note that Neecy was sleeping, half of her body lolling over the seat, with the wireless headphones from the P.C. capsized over her forehead. Lincoln cursed himself. Of course. With Betty out someone had to make sure Neecy got to bed on time.

He put down his cup and picked up his little girl. Balancing her on one shoulder he picked up his cup and carried her to her bedroom. The house was a one floor house with a basement that led to different rooms. Including a firing range, a bowling alley and twenty car garage that doubled as a bomb shelter.

Neecy’s room was a concoction of pink and white. It was big and had a mary-go-round closet that housed all her every day clothes and pageant dresses. It was also neat. Before Neecy had a baby sitter everything had been thrown all over the place. She could never put her toys or clothes away and Lincoln could attest to the fact that he never got on her case for anything. He put her in her Black Barbie Princess Sheets. A token he had to have specially made for his daughter. Kissed her goodnight and left her in her clothes for bed.

He knew he ought to switch her out to her pyjamas. But he couldn’t find the inclination to go through the innocuous activity. His mind was still reeling from the complications of his boys fucking her nanny.

Lincoln would love nothing more than to charge her over this shit. But he knew better. He couldn’t afford the publicity this intel would draw to his family considering his past, and his present as he was the aide to a Multinational Corporation. In fact, the more he wised up to the sitch, he may actually be the one to have to pay up if Betty started to realize the compromising position she had put his family in. He doubted it. Unfortunately, the boys were right in thinking that they were the victim in this case. Though victim is not the word he would likely use to attach to them. He knew them better than anyone. And to be sure, by the time he got through punishing them, they would need a feeding tube, and a good psychiatrist.

Oh, and on top of that, they’ll be pissing out of their ass for a couple of months.

Lincoln heard the beep of the alarm system indicating that a car was at least within ten feet of the house. It was around this time that Rees returned from the city. He sat down on the sofa, put down his drink and kneed his shut eyelids with his index finger and thumb. He heard the tell-tale beep of the security system as Rees came into the house.

Lincoln bent over and rest his elbows on his knees, clasped his hands together and frowned fiercely at the T.V. screen. His mind on his boys. He mused after a while that God was punishing him. For all the shit he caused his own parents, his kids were acting out the same way towards him.  

“This is insane!” Lincoln roared, launching himself off the couch. Fists railing to the heavens. He turned to see Rees staring at him perplexed.

Lincoln gritted his teeth. “We need to talk.” He reached over. Rees stood at the back of the sofa between them. Lincoln squeezed his shoulder, nodding to the kitchen.

Lincoln pressed forward and Rees followed. Rees wore a black Intuition Men’s Chef Jacket with kimono collar. The buttons were hidden by the seam. He carried a thin strapped bag. Smelled like bananas.

As they walked Rees came up close behind Lincoln and Lincoln stretched his arm around Rees’s waist. He hugged him close. His mind started to work off the fresh assault of the situation. Rees presence added stability to his thoughts.

They entered the kitchen. It was wide and elegant with a pleasant mixture of cool steel and solid maple wood. The island was an impressive size. Lincoln lifted Rees up with the one arm round his waist. Rees’ response was a demure “Oh,” before Lincoln kissed away the surprise gesture and gave him a solid slap on the rump before he pushed him to sit on the stool at the island. Lincoln took the seat next to him.

“You’re upset.” Rees made the matter of fact statement.

“How did you guess?”

“I’m telepathic. Your face and your outburst before gave absolutely nothing away.” He joshed.

That made Lincoln smile. He cleared his throat. “I, um.” He sighed. “I fired Betty today.”

To say Rees was stunned was an understatement. “You did what?!”

“I caught her giving head to my boys. So yeah, it’s over.” Lincoln patted Rees’ hand that had gone limp on the table. “So it looks like that’s our catch-22, we’re back to the drawing board on that one.”

“Wait-wait-wait. Slow down there partner. You mean you saw her having sex with Deacon and Donte. When? Tonight?”

“Yeah, well I came home and …there was no denying what was going on in their room. And they did not deny what was going on in their room- I was passing by…yes there was nooooooo mistaking what was going on. Praise God I did not go in there.” He rolled his eyes. “Just imagining it.” Lincoln slapped the side of his forehead. “Even though I didn’t see any of it I still can’t get the image out of my head.” Lincoln covered his face with both hands, shaking his head. He sighed once more. He looked at Rees through splayed fingers. Rees expression drew a perplexed look to Lincoln’s face. “What?”

“Sooo, you caught her having sex with them, and you just decided to fire her, on the spot?”

Lincoln’s eyebrow raised. “Yeeees.”

“Without talking to me first?”

Lincoln’s brow furrowed. He gripped both sides of his own neck with his hands. His elbows on the table.  “I guess…but I mean: it is sort of a no brainer sitch babe.” At the withering look Rees gave him Lincoln shot back sceptically, “Come on-are you seriously pissed at me about this. SHE WAS BANGING MY BOY’S. Both of them, at the same time.”

Yeah, right. Like if only one of them were involved it would have been less of an issue.

Lincoln gave a frustrated breath. He scrubbed his hair back with both hands. “I can’t – I can’t see how this could be an issue right now. I’ve got to get them counselling. I have to go through that shitty talk with them again. I got to get them tested…” Lincoln raised his eyes to the heavens. His voice became whinny, “Please don’t make them have anything, please, please, please…”

“So you fired the nanny, the one person I could depend on for any kind of free time and you don’t think that there might be a problem in this.” Reese shrugged his shoulders in frustration, “And how do you suggest we find a way to take up the slack in all this? Who is gonna look after Neecy when school is out and I have to go to work and you work late, like, every night during the week.” It was Rees’ turn to give Lincoln the raised brow.

“Ho-ho-ho. Surely you jest? Are you freaking kidding me?” Lincoln was flabbergasted. “She was fucking my kids Rees. I was not going to wait until you got home to act on this shit. She’s pretty darn fucking lucky I didn’t beat the door down and ring her fucking neck. Shit.” Lincoln got up and kicked the stool he had vacated. It fell with a clatter and the noise was damning in the silence between them. He reached down and put the stool upright again. He hunched down, still standing, crowding Rees, sticking his index finger to the top of the table a few times to prove his point. “There is no friggin’ way you are going to catch me out on this. No-friggin’-way.”

Rees stared, the feeling in his eyes; seething. “Did you even consider, or think to wait to ask me first? Is it because they’re not my kids, Lincoln? Is that it? Say it. Say it. Is it because they are not my sons, but yours?”

Like hell I’m going to say that shit. Lincoln stepped back and pocketed both hands. His upper body leaned back, away from Rees. His eyes were shuttered. Lids low. His expression inscrutable.

Rees looked unhinged. Lincoln felt alarmed by the negative response. “Look, I’ll take up some of the slack. I’ll be there for them...I’ll pick Neecy up from school...”

“How are you going to manage extra time for the kids when you can’t even manage extra time for the two of us? Huh?” Rees hissed. “You only like to be around for the cool dad stuff. Remember. Serious shit just isn’t your deal.”

Lincoln gritted his teeth at the quip he had made in the past concerning the kids care being thrown back in his face. But that was all in jest. Crap. He kicked himself in the nuts mentally over the one liner now. “I think I’ve proven myself ten times wrong over that aspect.” Lincoln folded his arms. An absolutely unfriendly giant. “I’m sorry Rees, but you could come up with all the shit you want to and throw it back at me. But this time my actions were not unjustified. I had to-”

“You’re always making quick, upfront and important decisions like this without discussing it with me first. I admit what the boys, and what Betty did was egregious. But at least we could have retaliated behind her back. Kept the boys away from her, until we found someone else more suitable for the job. My work schedule is heavy Lincoln. So is yours. And with all the background checks you insist upon, how are we going to deal with a lag in not having a nanny for the next few weeks? Dante and Deacon obviously lack the core judgement to be looking after her. We can’t even trust them not to fuck another one of the help.” Rees slammed his open palm on the table.

Lincoln snorted. “I won’t use Bastard Economics when it comes to my own sons.” Lincoln shrugged, leaning his hip against the table. “I’ll get someone, by tomorrow.”

Rees snickered, “That is beside the point. You’re always putting us in shitty situations like this. And you never discuss things over the kids care with me. You treat them as if they are solely your own, as if I don’t figure into your Daddy and me equation. I won’t friggin’ stand for it Lincoln. Not this time.” Rees got up and marched out of the kitchen. Viktor sauntered behind him, head bowed, his thumb rubbing back and forth on his bottom lip.

When he reached the doorway of their bedroom he caught sight of Rees yanking clothes from their walk-in closet, tossing them on the bed. His brows clenched, he frowned, looking down at the clothes on the bed. “Ahem,” Lincoln’s voice was amused, “What gives? These are my clothes.”

“Yes they are. And you’re not welcome here Lincoln until you can decide exactly where you plan to take this relationship you’re having with me. Because it sure as hell isn’t the same relationship I’m having with you and the kids.”

Lincoln opened his mouth, then shut it. Then opened it again, but words still failed him. He closed his mouth again. “You’re kicking me out. Of my own house?”

Rees walked over to him, his lips thinned. Grabbing Lincoln’s clothes off the bed he walked over and shoved the clothes into Lincoln’s chest. “And don’t come back until you’ve figured out exactly what type of relationship you want with me and our kids.”

**********************************************************************************

So, I guess I’ll address the part in purple first:

First of all, it is not “Bain” it is “Baine”.

I’ll address the second part in red now:

I love that description, I think it is the best. I can’t believe I was that good enough to convert my thoughts on how I saw it in my mind onto the page. I’m a much better writer than I thought.

Gee, that is my writing style. Can’t help it. My influences, besides the contemporary authors, and studying Shakespeare and stumbling upon Jon Donne lit, I love manga and comics. I am a huge fan of Rumiko Takahashi. Learning about her is what drove me to get my degree first and to pursue a writing career after I got my degree. But to never give up on writing. I cherished Inuyasha and Ranma and a Half. I thought it was excellent, “a boy named pantyhose”, a bucket of hot water that would miraculously appear out of nowhere…priceless. Also, a half dog demon that was commanded to sit by a girl that fell through a well to the feudal era in Japan. I don’t care how good a writer you are, no one can touch Rumiko Takahashi. All I can say is, expect that out of this world writing from my work. Especially since I am writing science fiction/ fantasy. Urban-Romance drama is what I use as a humanizing aspect of my writing. Romance is a major indicator of motivation of my characters. Much like in Inuyasha and Naruto.

Fanboys, don’t knock the romance in Naruto. Naruto felt love for his brethren, Sasuke, and it drove his ambitions. Sasuke’s unrequited love for his brother drove his ambitions. He loved his brother, his brother killed off his clan, and his love for his clan drove him to seek retribution for their deaths.

Now for the blue part:

This is the part that cracked me up the most. Because it gave the impression that the entire book was centered around the action of Lincoln’s sons. Which I must reiterate, the best writing in the novel. I can’t help it, it’s bombastic. Every time I read it, I can’t believe it came from me. I have seriously come a long way as a writer.

Anyway, I don’t get what the review means about not using the Lolita Complex as a cardinal rule for writers. There was a movie recently, starring Jennifer Lopez called The Boy Next Door  where the Lolita Complex is utilized, very well in fact.

The Lolita Complex was termed by an author called, Trainer, based on the book Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov. Using the Lolita Complex to drive plot is fairly easy. What you have to do is portray the young participant in the relationship as the aggressor, and the older person as the one being aggressed upon. You don’t have to be a genius to incorporate the literary technique into a plot. Everyone from Danielle Steel to Oscar Moore who wrote A Matter of Life and Sex have utilized it. Also countless romance novels. There are a number of books where teenagers are engaged in sexual activity, many of them coming of age so…don’t get the bulldozing, rough-shod complaint in the blue text. ;)

Also, it is most brilliant in that, if this reader was intellectually inclined to dissect the scene (meaning if they had background training in literary studies) they would realize why the scene was added into the story.

No matter how you feel or are accepting of Lincoln’s and Rees lifestyle, any parent would be abhorrent of coming home to finding their children having sex, no matter if the kids were having sex with a girlfriend or boyfriend their own age, or someone older. Doesn’t matter. It is unacceptable. Therefore, Rees’ compromising Lincoln on how he handled the situation is ludicrous. Anyone and Everyone would take Lincoln’s side. He did the right thing by throwing out the babysitter. Duh. No matter what, no one would take Rees’ side. That is why the scene was added in. And please note how brilliant the scene is.

Anyone reading the scene from the get-go would believe that Lincoln just walked in on his partner having sex with another man, when in fact it was his kids. How good is this scene. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! And the scene is not even graphic or gratuitous or any of the sort. The whole scene is implied and described without great detail. Excellent. Yes, I know.

And Doctor Who looked at E.R. Baine and said, “Clever, clever girl.”

Yes I know I’m a brilliant writer. But like I told my professor ten years ago, who has time for Harvard…Do you know how much work I’d have to do to get into Harvard. I’m a fan of Jamaica Kinkade, but I don’t love her work that much.

I think my writing is just too extraordinary for this reviewer to…using simple words now… “get”.

As for what is in green:

  Too good not to repost, the part where this reviewer spoke to me directly:

E.R Bain, EVEN THOUGH CALLED YOUN ADULTS, 15 and 16 YEARS OLD ARE STILL CHILDREN, SO DONT YOU EVER AGAIN DARE TO SEXUALISE CHILDREN IN YOUR BOOKS AND CALL IT Salaciously Seductive ROMANCE. Don’t you ever again dare to make reader feel dirty reading one of your books as you did with me. And don’t you ever again offer me one of your books: in a writer – reader relationship, this reader wants a divorce due to the irreconcilable differences.

Oh my gosh, very new to me. I have never, ever been schooled in my writing before. All I have ever heard in my life is praise. I am truly humbled. I shall print this part out and stick it on my wall.

Once again, the name is E.R. Baine

N.B.: I did not in fact address this review with unkind dissent. I merely addressed the review directly. However, I am aware that no matter how jovial a tone I use, people are going to take offense with a writer addressing a review. As though we should just sit back and let people have their say without incident. Popycock! I believe my fans would get a kick out of reading this. It was made public and was not emailed to me in private, and the reviewer spoke to me directly, obviously the reviewer intended me to respond. And addressing it goes toward describing my Theory of Authorship for my fans. But notice I did not reveal the reviewer’s name and I am not condoning any ill will towards the person. Please do not badger this little old lady. 

 UPDATE: You know what is so weird. I am right now re-editing this text for an update and I am finding so many things that need to corrected: (wondering should be wandering; desert should be dessert...There are so many other things this person could have called me up on I really can't believe right now that this person read the text to begin with. They just signed up to school me directly for no reason, and that does not help others who are genuinely interested in finding new authors who like writing for this genre. And it doesn't help the cause of indie authors either.